First Draft:
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1uAW4kgdcXvKvOKuCUbpxdhA64T3AvJHf7IPBQER6rqE/edit?hl=en&authkey=CIDTra4N
Thesis and outline:
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1Bb0wlsB-VlIj-45MPPfBxd0RHI4C8vD_mjw93WAH9xE/edit?hl=en&authkey=COqM8tYM
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1MDBVD-jMSGVdpKCJRuNzqoJYoJ0M5GoO-8vpkQLyt7g/edit?authkey=CIio6JwB#
ReplyDeleteCheck google docs and/or e-mail for comments and points on the outline. I'll comment and assign points for the first draft in the next couple of days.
ReplyDeleteYour research paper was well informative and your quotes backed up you points, ideas, and feeling thoroughly. Throughout your paper I saw minor misspellings or use of the wrong tense of the word, which I myself do in my papers constantly. I'm hoping my comments are helpful.
ReplyDelete-Instead of starting your paper with "Nowadays" you can start it off with "When we watch television[...] we may sense that Black males show their masculinity more than before"<-- take out the "tend to" because saying "sense" already means that you're feeling it's that case.
-face should be faced*
-End the sentence at masculinity and start a new sentence with "They have been.." because its a run on. You could also probably say "They have been struggling with their masculinity since the times of enslavement"
-next sentence should be affect the "way we".
-In your 2nd paragraph, I don't really understand your first sentence, and i would probably just take it out. (but that's just me)
-in your 2nd sentence take out “perhaps a glimpse of” and just leave economic foundation.
-in your 3rd sentence should be “However, in history, Black males lacked these qualities.”**
-your 4th sentence should start with”As we know from history, Black males were* unfairly...”
-Your sentence” “Even though Black males have strong physical power.......” You could maybe say “Even though Black males have strong physical power, which is seen as an external view of masculinity, whites demoralized them because they felt threatened by them”** or something like that.
you should also end the paragraph here and start your next paragraph with “In the article [...] you can see how the whites weakened black masculinity*** and then go into your quotes. and your last sentence “Seems manliness” should be “Seems masculine”
-Your 3rd paragraph starts off with a run on sentence, take out the first sentence and maybe start “Black males also need to recover and strengthen their leading positions in their matriarchal family to gain masculinity.”**
-Your 4th paragraph is a continuation of the last sentence in your 3rd paragraph so take the indent out.
-I’ve noticed that you say futhermore a lot!
-Your second to last paragraph should maybe start “The affect of racism and domination by women, could be the reason why black males have lower self esteem and self confidence. For example...”***
-In the last paragraph take out the 2nd sentence.
-“as we know” it should be “As* some people may know there is a proverb...” do this because without the “some people may know” you are assuming that everyone knows the proverb, when some people may not.
-“if they” should be If*
and lastly, your works cited page, should be its own separate page.( at least that's how i do it)
I hope my comments have been helpful. GOOD LUCK with your research paper!!! :)
---Heather
Hi Heather. Thanks for your comments.
ReplyDelete