A)Hi my name is David strack. I was choose to critique your work and read your following assignment. I wasn't’t able to get a clear idea of your position in the first paragraph. Perhaps you should have communicated a better thesis for your paper. It isn't engaging enough to the reader when a statement like “sometimes it is really difficult for us to tell the person is a man or woman even though he or she is right in front of you”. Dosesnt’t say much at all. A better statement would sound like the autonomy of the human body of male and female are strikingly similar yet the two have completely distinguishably feature characteristics. All though including and introducing your three aspects of the photo was effective. B) In Your 1st body paragraph the man holding the baby is a strong aspect to the photo. I like the details you use in the description of the photo. It was a effective analyze. The second body paragraph was broken in to part well. Your idea of him mute-tasking shows proper masculinity. The last body dosesnt ’t include strong aspects to the photo. C) a satisfying conclusion yet it isn't enough to just say common sense about man tells us. You describe it well by explaining his behaviors. D) The papers biggest strength is the three aspects of the photo. It was organized well and communicated properly in the three body. E) I think that the paper was informative. You should improve your capability to expand your words in to more vivid descriptions. Add a thesis then repeat it in your conclusion and lastly express more ideas on the final draft.
I read your second draft and made some comments. You should have received an e-mail with a link and if you sign into Google Docs, you should see the document.
I cannot view your paper because it is set to private. Please set the Share setting to Anyone with a link and check the box to allow people to edit.
ReplyDeleteThank you for fixing the Share settings :) Now I can view your paper.
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ReplyDeletehttps://docs.google.com/document/d/1WikZZQ44yNyxbfjYI_4FWnUGzxz5Lngj3jZQ-Qw1FIc/edit?hl=en&authkey=COu5hsIL
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ReplyDeleteAn e-mail containg the link to a copy of your paper with my comments was sent to you. Please let me know if you received it.
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ReplyDeleteA)Hi my name is David strack. I was choose to critique your work and read your following assignment. I wasn't’t able to get a clear idea of your position in the first paragraph. Perhaps you should have communicated a better thesis for your paper. It isn't engaging enough to the reader when a statement like “sometimes it is really difficult for us to tell the person is a man or woman even though he or she is right in front of you”. Dosesnt’t say much at all. A better statement would sound like the autonomy of the human body of male and female are strikingly similar yet the two have completely distinguishably feature characteristics. All though including and introducing your three aspects of the photo was effective.
ReplyDeleteB) In Your 1st body paragraph the man holding the baby is a strong aspect to the photo. I like the details you use in the description of the photo. It was a effective analyze. The second body paragraph was broken in to part well. Your idea of him mute-tasking shows proper masculinity. The last body dosesnt ’t include strong aspects to the photo.
C) a satisfying conclusion yet it isn't enough to just say common sense about man tells us. You describe it well by explaining his behaviors.
D) The papers biggest strength is the three aspects of the photo. It was organized well and communicated properly in the three body.
E) I think that the paper was informative. You should improve your capability to expand your words in to more vivid descriptions. Add a thesis then repeat it in your conclusion and lastly express more ideas on the final draft.
I read your second draft and made some comments. You should have received an e-mail with a link and if you sign into Google Docs, you should see the document.
ReplyDeleteHi David. Thanks for your comments.it`s helpful.
ReplyDeleteMiss B Thanks for your patience to read my second draft